He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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