I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
