omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
