Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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