I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
