after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
