I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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