I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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