he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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