I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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