I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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