They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
