I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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