weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
