Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
