i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
