I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
