I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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