How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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