Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
