allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
