K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
