she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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