I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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