yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
