I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
