OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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