I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
