i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
