he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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