Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
