I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
