i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
