And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
