The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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