U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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