Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
