probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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