Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
