Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
