Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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