I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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