Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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