i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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