I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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