Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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