How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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