6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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