Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
