I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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