and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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