You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
