is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
