If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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