I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
this hospital has no fireball
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
