Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
