I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
