finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
