I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
