Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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