I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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