I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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