Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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