i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
