Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
