I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
