Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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