Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
