You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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