Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
false alarm. still invincible.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize