i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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