Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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