I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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