After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.