she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.