I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?