I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.