did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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