Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old