you have to choose: penises or morals?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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